


Déjà vu, the Clones, and Hercules

by daviderl



Series: Xena: Warrior Princess [3]
Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-06-07 03:36:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6783577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daviderl/pseuds/daviderl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hercules (using the name Kevin Sorbo) is in LA and runs into Xena, who takes him to see Annie, Mattie, Gabrielle, and Harry</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Evil Xena Again

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on three season-six Xena episodes (Send in the Clones, Déjà vu All Over Again and Soul Possession), and loosely on two Hercules episodes: S4 E15 - Yes, Virginia, There Is a Hercules and S5 E9 - For Those of You Who Are Just Joining Us [ in that Hercules apparently is immortal since those two episodes take place in modern times ].  
> Also, it is a follow-up story to my stories based on the three previously mentioned Xena episodes, the first of which was Déjà vu Meets the Clones. You don't have to have read those stories, but it may explain a few things that are referenced in this one.

**Chapter One**

**Evil Xena Again**

  
  


“She's gone,” Gabrielle said as she walked into the kitchen. “She left again sometime last night, but I have no idea when.”

“What time did you two go to bed?” Mattie asked.

“About 11, maybe 11:30.”

“Did she say anything?” Annie asked. “Did she seem restless or anxious?”

“No, none of that,” Gabrielle answered, glancing up at the Chakram clock on the wall (it read 6:45). “We went to bed, made love, and I went right to sleep. But when I woke up a few minutes ago, she was gone.”

“What about the Chakram?” Mattie asked, obviously concerned.

“No. I've got that hidden; well hidden,” Annie told her.

Mattie turned on the TV for the morning news.

“Well, if she's out causing more trouble, maybe it wasn't bad enough to make the news.”

“And that's why you turned on the TV?” Annie asked, half serious, half joking.

While Annie poured the three of them coffee, all three sets of eyes were glued to the screen. After the national and international news reports were finished, and today's weather report, the local news came on. Ten minutes later, a remote reporter was talking about a fight at an infamous biker bar in a particularly bad part of L.A.

“...Witnesses said the woman involved single handedly beat up more than a half dozen of the members of the Diablos Rojos motorcycle gang. Excuse me, motorcycle _club_. There are no cameras in or around the bar, but from witness descriptions, the woman bears a strong resemblance to _this_ woman...”

The screen then showed a slightly out-of-focus, black and white picture of a woman dressed in a Xena costume.

“...who was involved in the daring daylight attack on a police substation two years ago, where she freed her companion using a circular weapon that seemed to be able to cut not only through her companion's handcuffs, but the bars of the holding cell as well. Neither have been apprehended at this time.”

Mattie muted the rest of the report. “Well, at least they don't have any pictures of you,” she said to Gabrielle.

“Yeah, there is that,” Gabrielle answered, upset.

“So, what do we do?” Mattie asked.

Annie shook her head. “I wish I knew. We can only hope that when Xena comes back home we can talk some sense into her.”

“It'd be nice if we could do that past-lives reliving thing again,” Mattie said. “But it's been so long since I did that, I think I've lost the ability.”

“We'll figure something out,” Annie said.

“Do you think she somehow got with Ares again?” Gabrielle asked, hoping it wasn't true.

“I don't think so,” Annie answered. “From what I got the last time he was here, he didn't have much use for her.”

“I sure hope not.”

Mattie unmuted the TV, but they had moved past the biker bar fight and were talking about local politics, so she turned it off

“Do you think Ares might … help, somehow?” Gabrielle asked.

Annie chuckled. “I wouldn't count on it. In fact, I wouldn't even ask him to. I suspect that if he got wind that Xena was, well … evil again, he'd do – something, just to fan the flames.”

Gabrielle nodded in agreement, then closed her eyes momentarily as she shook her head in frustration and anger.

  
  


  
  


 


	2. A Familiar Face, Unwelcome Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xena unexpectedly runs into a familiar face - Hercules.

**Chapter Two**

**A Familiar Face, Unwelcome Help**

  
  


Xena finished off her second piece of apple pie and third cup of coffee. It was a nice little diner; no one seemed to care that she was sporting a nasty cut on her head, a bit of blood around her mouth and on her knuckles, and a few crumbled up napkins with blood on them. Thinking back on the bar fight, Xena couldn't help but grin. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had so much fun.

“More coffee?” the waitress asked.

“Nah, I'm good,” Xena replied.

“Okay. If you need anything...”

“Sure, thanks.”

But the waitress, whose name tag read Bonnie, didn't leave.

“What?” Xena said.

“I just wondered if you were okay.”

“Never better. You know, if you want to, we could get together later on, and screw or something. Or just screw.”

Bonnie got an uncomfortable look on her face, then left to take care of another customer.

Xena grinned at her, and was about to leave, skipping out on the check, when a large man slid into the opposite seat of the booth she was in. She said nothing, but just stared. He stared back, a slight grin on his face, waiting on her to say something. Finally she did.

“Are you kidding me? _You're_ here, in L.A.? Shouldn't you be down there in Australia or someplace filming that lame-o TV show?”

“Actually it was New Zealand,” he replied. “And the show ended. So I'm up here, back and forth between here and Vancouver, working on a pilot for another series. A space show.”

“Really? A space show?” Xena shook her head in mock disappointment, then said, “So, what name is it you're going by now? Kerry, Kevin Something or other?”

“I understand you're causing some trouble here and there,” he said, coming straight to the point.

“So? Can't a girl have some fun?”

“Fun? You call bar fights fun?”

“Sure. Having a blast!”

“And when you broke into jail to get Gabrielle out?”

“What about it? You don't think I was going to let her stay there, do you?”

“No, of course not. But don't you think a low profile might be the better way to go?”

“We did that. And it was boring! BORING! BORING! BORING! Boring as _shit_!”

“So where is Gabrielle now?”

Xena got the biggest grin on her face she could manage.

“ 'By the gods!' as Gabrielle still says. You don't know! Oh, this is … I don't know what it is, but I LOVE it!”

“What are you talking about?”

“There are two MORE of us! Another Xena and another Gabrielle. Well, they're calling themselves Annie and Mattie. But they are here.”

“I still don't know what you're talking about.”

“Do you remember an evil shamaness named Alti?”

Hercules shook his head. “Can't say that I do.”

“No matter. Anyway, back in the day, we hooked up for a while, then we went our own ways. But she wanted to kill me in the worst way. So, a couple of years ago, she was able to clone me and Gabrielle from strands of our hair she got from somewhere, which is how we got here. BUT – before that, the descendants of Gabrielle and me, and Joxer, had their old memories restored somehow, and thanks to Ares, everyone was put into the correct bodies, and they are here. And that's where Gabrielle and I have been living.”

Hercules had a skeptical look on his face.

“So you're telling me...?”

“Exactly, two Xenas and two Gabrielles.”

“Can you take me to them?”

“Sure! I can't wait for you and them to see each other again.”

As they walked out of the diner, Hercules guided Xena toward a black BMW, a two-seat convertible.

“I should have known a 'Big TV Star' like you would be driving something like this.”

“The studio loaned it to me, for a while anyway. Depending on if the suits like the pilot, and if some network picks it up.”

After they got into the car and took off, Xena asked, “So, how did you find me, anyway?”

“It wasn't so hard to do. You left quite a trail. Plus, you'd be surprised how easy a couple of hundreds will jog people's memories.”

Hercules glanced at her, then looked back at the road. “So, where are we going?”

“It's not far. Annie and Mattie have their own little detective business. They call it The A&M Detective Agency, so they can help people. Gabrielle and I have been living with them, and doing some 'investigating' for them. Basically, surveillance crap. Like I said – BORING as shit! The office isn't far. Turn left a few blocks up, then a half mile or so.”

As they drove on, Hercules noticed the area seemed to be less than what he expected.

“Right Here! Stop the car right here!” Xena exclaimed.

Hercules stopped the car in a hurry, but before could stop _her_ , Xena jumped out of it and headed toward the door of a ramshackle building. And seeing a dozen chopped Harley's parked in front, it only took seconds for him to realize this was not the office of The A&M Detective Agency, but most likely was the biker bar that Xena had been in the night before. Over the door was a very faded sign with peeling red paint that read _Tequila Caliente y Cervesa Fría_ (Hot Tequila and Cold Beer). Within seconds she disappeared inside, the door closing behind her.

Just as Hercules got to the building and reached for the doorknob, he heard the sharp click of the door being locked, then a second click of another lock. He started to knock, but when he heard noises coming from inside – fighting noises, he pushed the door open, the bolts of the two deadbolt locks breaking off in the steel doorjamb.

For just a moment he could only see shadows until his eyes adjusted to the semi-darkness. When he could see, Xena was vaulting over a pool table on one arm, her feet knocking two men backward. At the same time she picked up two pool balls and threw them left and right, taking out two more bikers, both hit between the eyes.

As Hercules headed toward her, someone swung a pool stick at his head, but he caught it, jerked it out of the man's hands, then punched him in the forehead with the end of it. Another biker tried using the pool table as a diving board toward Hercules, but he caught him in mid air, and tossed him into two more who were closing in on Xena, who had downed another one with a high side kick under the chin.

Just as she was about to punch yet another one, Hercules grabbed her arm, swung her around, threw her up on his shoulder, and headed back toward the door.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?” she yelled out as she pounded on his back, which he ignored.

Just as he got to the door, one of the bikers started to stop him, but Hercules pointed at him, an intense look on his face, and the man let them pass. Hercules pulled the door shut behind him, walked over to the car with Xena still cursing at him, and dumped her into the passenger seat.

“You know they're going to come after us, don't you.”

“I know,” he replied. He then walked over to the row of motorcycles, looked at them for a second, and pushed the one nearest to him over with the bottom of his foot, causing a domino effect with all of them falling over.

“I always wanted to do that,” he said, as much to himself as to Xena.

And just as the ones still able to walk crowded out of the door, he floored the BMW, leaving them behind as he drove back in the direction he had come.

“All right,” he said seriously. “Where is it?”

“Keep going a couple miles, I'll tell you where to turn,” Xena answered sullenly. “Can't have even a _little_ bit of fun!” she complained.

 


	3. Confusing Family Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie, Mattie, Gabrielle, Xena and Harry try to explain their descendant timeline to Hercules ... and to themselves.

**Chapter Three**

**Confusing Family Ties**

 

As promised, Xena directed Hercules to the A&M Detective Agency. They went in, Xena leading.

“Harry, Hercules. Hercules, Harry,” she said simply as they bypassed Harry's receptionist desk and went into the main office.

“Everyone,” she said loudly, “A blast from the past.”

At first no one said anything, all seemed to be a bit stunned.

“Hercules?” Gabrielle said first. Then without waiting for an answer, ran to embrace him.

“Well, I'll be damned,” Annie said, starting to grin.

“And by the gods,” Mattie said almost at the same time, quoting Gabrielle's still favorite expression.

Looking over the head of Gabrielle, who still was wearing her hair short, and blonde, Hercules saw Mattie, her 'twin', who had shoulder length, strawberry blond hair; and Annie, the other 'Xena' whose hair that was also shoulder length, but a lighter brown, not black as Xena's was.

When Gabrielle released him, both Mattie and Annie gave him a hug.

“Hey,” Xena said, “I never got a hug.”

So Hercules hugged her as well.

“Well, you haven't changed at _all_   these past 20 centuries,” Annie said. “Well, maybe a couple crow's feet around the eyes, or should I say laugh lines? Other than that, immortality looks good on you.”

“Thank you,” he replied with a smile, then said, “I have to say, I find all of this rather confusing.”

“I'm not surprised,” Annie said. “It was confusing for us at the start. But I guess you'd like to hear the story – stories.”

“Why don't we start at the beginning,” Mattie suggested.

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” he replied.

“Well, first,” Annie said, “This is Harry.”

Hercules and Harry shook hands.

“Did you ever know, or know about Joxer?” She continued.

“I don't … know. But after all this time, all these years, I just may have forgotten him.”

“Well, way back in the day, he was Gabrielle's and my best friend.”

“Before this gets too involved,” Gabrielle said, “how about some refreshments, snacks or something, maybe an early lunch?”

Then to Hercules she said, “This is going to take some time.”

“Harry?” Annie asked, “Think you could run up to the deli and grab us something? I promise we won't start until you're back.”

“Sure.” he answered. “Back in a jif.”

“He's our toadie,” Xena said.

“Are you going to start THAT again?” Mattie asked, obviously irritated.

“Why don't we sit down?” Annie told them. “She's right, this is a long story. So – where to begin?”

“What about Harry?” Mattie interrupted.

“This isn't something he hasn't heard a hundred times before. But if Hercules has something to tell us, we'll wait. So – where to begin?”

“How about with me and Gabrielle and Alti?” Xena said. “I think that is the least confusing part of it.”

“Sounds good. So, Hercules did you ever know or hear about a shamaness named Alti?”

“Xena mentioned her earlier, but I don't I ever did.”

“Well, we had a LOT of history, but the short of it was we ended up as enemies, and she wanted to kill me in the worst way.”

  
Almost an hour later, Annie had wrapped up both stories, with additions from the other three women.

“So, let me get this straight,” Herc said, “Mattie, you are a direct descendant of Gabrielle.”

“I'm pretty sure I am. So she must have remarried and had a child, or children, sometime after Xena was killed in Japan, But I just don't remember. And neither does Gabrielle. Even when I had my past-lives abilities I never thought to try to go back to see what eventually happened to me.”

“Okay. So you,” and Hercules pointed at Harry, “are a descendant of Xena.”

“Yep.”

“And you,” pointing at Annie, “are Joxer's descendant.”

“Yes.”

“So none of you think it's odd that not only do you look exactly like you did back in Greece, but you came from ancestors that looked like the other one?”

At this they all laughed.

“Believe me,” Mattie said, “We have gone around and around and around trying to figure out how that happened.”

“So, Xena, you and Joxer never....”

“We did NOT! EVER!” Both Annie and Xena said at the same time.

Hercules glanced over at Harry.

“Don't look at me!” he said to Hercules, then he said to Xena, “But what about Meg? She looked exactly like you. So maybe that is why you look like you do even though you are my, well Joxer's, great, great, great, and so forth, great granddaughter.”

“Well, maybe that could explain that,” Annie answered. “But that doesn't explain how you were descended from Xena.”

“But what about Eve … and Virgil?” Gabrielle asked. “What if they got together, got married, and had kids? He did eventually forgive her for killing Joxer when she was Livia. And that could be why Ares was able to switch both your spirits from one body to the other.”

“OKAY!” Xena exclaimed. “Stop, stop, STOP! All this cross family speculation crap is giving me a headache! Who cares? And what difference does it make anyway?”

“I think it's interesting,” Hercules said.

“So, Hercules,” Annie said, changing the subject. “Did you ever know what might have happened to Eve? That's one thing I'd like to know. And if she did marry Virgil, then that is something I would really be happy to hear.”

“I wish I could tell you something, anything, about her, but I have no clue about what happened to her.”

“So what about me?” Gabrielle asked. “Anything at all?”

“As far as I know, you went back home to live with your sister.”

“Maybe you found someone in Poteidaia  to marry,” Harry suggested.

“Could be,” she answered. “I suppose that's the most logical explanation.”

“Or,” Hercules said slowly as he was thinking, “Mattie, you had a sister.”

“Yes, Lila.”

“And you both had the same mother and father?”

“We did,” Gabrielle answered.

“Well, since you both had the same genes from your parents, then maybe you are descended from Lila. She did have children, didn't she?”

“She had a daughter, Sarah. But she could have had more, but I don't know.”

“Interesting theory,” Annie said. But does that explain...?”

“THAT'S IT!” Xena yelled out. “One more word about all this family shit, just _one more_ , and I am gone! And you won't see me for a _week_! Maybe two. Maybe never!”

Annie then turned to Hercules.

  
  


  


 

  


 


	4. Hercules' Journeys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hercules tells where he had been since leaving Greece after killing Zeus.

  
  


**Chapter Four**

**Hercules' Journeys**

 

“So, what have _you_ been doing these past thousand or two years?” Annie asked Hercules.

“Traveling mostly. I left Greece almost immediately after I had to … after I killed my father when Eve was born.”

“I wondered what happened to you,” Xena said. “I thought maybe you didn't want any part of the battle that I, we, had with the gods.”

“No, it wasn't that. In fact it was, well, I don't remember exactly how long now, but it was quite a few years before I heard about that.”

“Where were you?”

“After I left, I traveled through Britannia to Ireland for a while, and then to the North-lands, Then I went south to Egypt, then traveled to the Orient. And mostly I was doing what I usually did – fighting warlords, evil monarchs, the bad guys, when I wasn't keeping my head down, trying to remain anonymous. Of course there were always natural disasters – earthquakes, floods and such. If I was able to teleport like Ares or Aphrodite I could have done more; gotten to them faster. Anyway, about a dozen or so years ago I ended up in Australia, and then went to New Zealand. And that's where I got tapped to play myself in the TV show.”

“And nobody knew it was you?” Mattie asked.

“No. They just thought I was another actor who just happened to be exactly what they were looking for.”

“ _Exactly_?” “Xena asked with obvious skepticism and sarcasm.

“Apparently so,” he replied.

“Ever have any run-ins with Ares?” Xena asked again, the sarcasm gone from her voice.

''A few times, but he's always so busy doing what he does best he doesn't have much time to visit. Which is fine by me.”

“And Aphrodite?” Gabrielle asked.

“Sometimes we got together. But like Ares, she's always so busy with her stuff. But I'm glad she took the time to straighten things out with Harry and Maggie. Which, by the way,” he said to Harry. “Where is she? I'd like to meet her.”

“She's in Florida taking care her aunt, who is having really bad health problems. So I don't look for her to come back any time soon.”

“That's too bad, she sounds like a really nice woman.”

“The best.”

“So did you ever find another wife, or wives?” Mattie asked. “Any children?”

“Almost, quite a few times, in fact. But seems like there was always some something that kept me single. Mostly, I think it was that I knew that in 50 or 60 years or so, they would die of old age, whereas I would … well, not. And no, no children.”

“That you know of,” Xena said, the sarcasm back.

“Surely there were goddesses or demigoddesses somewhere you could have fallen in love with.” Mattie said.

“Well, there was one,” Hercules said slowly.

“So spill!” Annie insisted. “Who was she?”

“Her name is, was, Morrigan, and when we first met she was an Irish demigod, and kind of evil. But then she killed the Irish Druid of Justice. And then the way things seem to go - she became the new Druid of Justice. This happened a few years before Eve was born. Anyway, after I killed Zeus, I just had to get away. So I ended up back in Ireland. And Morrigan and I were together for quite a long time, close to a hundred years I guess. But after the Romans had almost conquered England, she was worried that Ireland would be next. And she expected me to fight alongside the Irish and English Druids, using their limited magic, to drive them out of England. But when I told her I wanted no part in battling against any army, not even the Romans, this didn't set well with her. And we had more than one very, VERY serious and loud argument about that. So eventually we both decided if I wasn't going to fight alongside her, it might be better if I just left. Where she is now, of if she's even alive, I can't say. Anyway, when I left, I went to the North-lands and looked up Thor and Baldr and a few others.”

“I didn't know you knew any of the Norse gods,” Xena said. “We were there, Gabrielle and me. We had quite a run-in with Odin, and I used one of his Golden Apples to restore Ares' godhood.”

“That's right, I do remember hearing something about that.”

“So anything like that happen to you?”

“No, I was mostly hanging out with Thor and Baldr. We did fight a few giants that were always threatening. We didn't kill any of them, but we drove them off, until the next time they got brave enough to try again.”

“Did Thor ever let you use his hammer?” Mattie asked. “Or even hold it?”

“No, he didn't. He seemed particularly possessive when it came to his hammer.”

“So how long were you there?”

“Not long, a few years at most. I have to say I really got tired of those cold winters. I decided I wanted warmer weather, which is how I ended up in Egypt. And before you ask – I traveled the length of Italy along its western coast, trying to stay as far away from Rome as possible, although I did see Roman soldiers all along the way. Anyway I made it to Brindisi, then caught a ship that took me to Alexandria.”

“What was it like?” Harry asked, not wanting to be forgotten about.

“Full of Romans. By the time I got there, they had pretty much conquered Egypt, so I kept a very low profile. Stayed in the poorer parts of the city. And while I was there, Christianity got a foothold.”

“So, how did you feel about this new religion usurping all of the old gods?” Annie asked. “And I'm not talking just about just the Greek and Roman gods, but the Norse and Egyptian ones as well?”

“To tell you the truth, except for new forms of worship, new prophets, and new icons, I couldn't see that much difference. People were still killing, and dying, just to prove theirs was the only true religion.”

“So, any exciting adventures there? Actually meet up with any of the Egyptian gods?”

“No. And I didn't even try to. Like I said, I just kept my head down for 40 or 50 years, until I got tired of it, so I decided to keep traveling east, and ended up in China.”

“And what was that like?” asked Gabrielle.

“Well, I was there during the Han dynasty, which now it's considered as China's Golden Age. Confucianism  became a big part of their culture about this time. The Silk Road was established while I was there, and with so many Westerners traveling and trading with them, I didn't stand out so much. All in all, I think I enjoyed living there as much as any place I had ever been, including Greece. I even had a few lovers, but nothing serious, and naturally, nothing long-termed.”

“What about the language?” Harry interrupted. “Was it hard to learn to speak it?”

“Not at all. I think that is another part of the god-half of me – I can speak and understand any language I come across.”

“So, how long were there?” Gabrielle asked.

“Well, after Emperor Wu died, things slowly started going down hill for a couple of decades, but then things got back on track. I think I was there three, maybe 400 years. Saw a lot of changes – Buddhism got started. Romans ambassadors showed up. Paper was invented.”

“So why not stay longer?” Mattie wanted to know.

“Like all empires and kingdoms, there was infighting among the Elite, which caused a weakening of the empire, which led to attacks from outside invaders. The country got so fragmented, I decided it was time to move on.”

“Which way?”

“Farther east, to Japan.”

“Yeah,” Xena said slowly. “Not my favorite place.”

“Nor mine,” Gabrielle added.

“Well, they hadn't forgotten about you, and what you did. I was told at least a half dozen times about how a warrior woman from the west sacrificed herself to destroy the Eater of Souls.”

“So what about Gabrielle?” Annie asked. “Did they say anything about her, tell any stories about her?”

“Yes and no. Apparently none of them knew your name,” he said to Gabrielle. “But there were drawings, some in color. And with almost every picture of Xena, somewhere nearby was a woman with short straw-colored hair wearing blue armor.”

“That was me, us,” Mattie said as she glanced at Gabrielle.

“At least we weren't completely forgotten about,” Gabrielle replied to Mattie, who nodded in agreement.

“Did you ever make it to Mt. Fuji, and the Fountain of Strength?” Xena asked.

“Actually, I did. But it had been destroyed. From what I understood, they were so afraid another demon might use it to gain strength, they used their black powder to blow it apart, and then completely buried the opening from where it flowed from inside the mountain with boulders.”

Annie was about to ask yet another question, when Harry broke in. “Any chance we could head home early? No one's come in, and I don't expect them to.”

“You're right, I say we get out of here and go home.”

“Of course, you're coming home with us,” Mattie told Hercules. “You still have a LOT of history to tell us about.”

“Okay,” he replied with a half laugh. “And I could use a home-cooked meal. One of you does cook, don't you?”

“That would be me,” Harry bragged.

 


	5. Hercules, the Titans and Hera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hercules tells about his encounter with three of the Titans, and Hera

  
  


**Chapter Five**

**Hercules, the Titans and Hera**

  
“You know, as _exciting_ as all this geography and history is,” Xena said with exaggerated sarcasm, “If that's the best you can do, I think I might find something else to do; someplace else to go that's got some action.”

“Well,” Hercules said, not wanting Xena to go off by herself again. “You remember I said I had a few run-ins with Ares.”

“So?”

“So, one or two of them weren't exactly peaceful, brotherly-love encounters.”

“Oh yeah?” Now Xena was interested.

“Oh, yeah,” he replied. “And after that home cooked meal I was promised, I'll be glad to spell it all out, every last punch and kick and energy ball.”

“Okay,” she said, with a bit more enthusiasm. “But it better be good!”

“Trust me,” he replied with a smile. “It will be.”

Annie, Mattie and Gabrielle, rode in one car; Harry had his own; and Xena rode with Hercules.

````

“Nice place,” Hercules commented after they had arrived and went inside.

“Thanks,” Annie answered. “We like it. Not too big, but not too small.”

“You guys know what you want for supper?” Harry asked.

“Why don't you surprise us,” Mattie responded. “But we've still have a few hours. How about some kind of appetizers?”

“Something that goes with beer,” Xena added.

“I'll see what I can find,” he said as he went into the kitchen.

“So, about that thing with Ares,” Xena said. “Now's as good a time as ever to spit it out.”

Hercules thought for a few seconds. He knew the tale he wanted to tell, but wanted to wait until after supper for that one.

“Okay, did you ever hear about the time Ares allied himself with three of the Titans who were freed by the demigod Evander?”

“No. How did that happen?” Gabrielle asked. “And who is Evander?”

“Well, Evander is Ares' son.” Hercules looked at Xena. “I guess he got tired of waiting around for you to give him one.”

“Who's the mother!” she demanded to know.

“It was Nemesis.”

“The bitch!”

Hercules just smiled at her, then continued, “Evander had the power to make things happen just by thinking about them, so Zeus had him rescue Hera from the Abyss of Tartarus. But he felt so sorry for the Titans Oceanus and Helios, who also were down there, that he freed them as well. Then Ares told _them_ where to find Atlas. Well, Iolaus and I managed to destroy Oceanus and Helios by making them collide as they were chasing after us – water and fire, you know. But then Ares told Atlas where the Pillar of Olympus was. And since Atlas still wanted to kill all the Olympians, by destroying the pillar Olympus would fall and it would be destroyed as well.”

“Why would Ares do such a thing?” Annie asked.

“You know, I never did understand why. But after Ares aligning himself with Dahak, I guess it was Ares just being himself, for himself. Maybe he thought that after Olympus was destroyed, he would be top god.”

“So what finally happened?” Mattie asked.

“Well, Hera was throwing her bolts around, trying to turn me into stone, but I deflected one of them and it hit Atlas just as he knocked down the pillar, so now he is stone and will be holding up Olympus forever.”

“And you and Ares.” Xena said. “No fight?”

“Not this time.”

“Any stories where you do ?” Xena asked impatiently.

“One or two. But I think we should wait until after supper.”

“Give me 30, 45 minutes,” Harry responded. “Steak and all the trimmings sound good?”

“Good enough,” Annie replied, and Harry went into the kitchen to start cooking, with Mattie and Gabrielle following to lend a hand.

In the mean time, Annie and Hercules just made small talk about Annie's detective agency while Xena downed several beers waiting for supper. After they had eaten and were once again settled in the living room, Xena insisted Hercules tell them about the encounter with Ares.

And it had better be one where they were going at it toe to toe, or she was going out, “for a while.”

“Well, let me see.”

  
  


 


	6. Hercules versus Ares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hercules tells about a violent encounter with Ares

**Chapter Six**

**Hercules Versus Ares**

  


Hercules thought for a few seconds.

“Okay, this one is pretty good. I was on my way to China, traveling through the steppes of what now would be the southern parts of Russia and northern Mongolia. I was riding a horse and leading one with my supplies, when I ran across a nomadic tribe of Mongols. Not knowing any better, I suppose, they attacked, and killed the horse I was riding. And of course I let them take me prisoner rather than maim or kill any of them. But when they discovered I spoke their language and realized I was no threat to them, they decided not to kill me.”

“How generous of them,” Xena said with her characteristic, and tiresome sarcasm.

“Yes it was,” Hercules replied, not taking the bait. “I was with them for a couple of months when their scouts reported that an even larger, rival tribe was sending a raiding party through one of the mountain passes to attack them. The tribes did that all the time: attacking, taking the horses and supplies and the women, and killing all the men and male children. Anyway I went back with the scouts to where they would be coming through the pass. Looking things over, I told the scouts to report back and I would wait there. After they I thought they had gone, I started throwing boulders down, hoping that the raiding party would think it was unsafe and would retreat back through the mountains. But when they started clearing the pass, I just kept throwing more and more of the boulders down around them, even breaking up part of the mountain to get more.”

“Sounds like hard work,” Harry interjected.

“It wasn't easy, it took all afternoon and most of the night. The next morning I saw that they were sending armed men on foot to cross over – they were really determined, let me tell you. So once again I started in with the boulders. And then suddenly blue energy balls started blasting apart the rocks. So I threw more, and more of them down.”

“I'm guessing it was Ares.” Gabrielle said. “So far from Greece?”

“It was. What with the Romans controlling everything, I just figured he was looking for greener pastures. It turns out he was grooming this tribe for BIG things, and they needed the supplies and horses from the tribe I had been staying with. So after a while, when it was obvious we were at a stalemate, Ares showed up on the very wide ledge where I was, as mad as I've ever seen him, and he said he didn't care why I was doing it, but said to stop it or else! And when I tried to explain why, he threw one of his energy balls at me, this one crackling with electricity. It wasn't hard to duck away from it, and when that didn't work, he jumped the 20 or 30 yards separating us, and we started going at it fist to fist. And so we fought back and forth for I don't know how long, all morning I would guess. We would punch or kick the other one back a dozen yards or so. And sometimes we would be just stand there trading punches to the face or the body.”

“So who is really stronger, you or him?” Mattie asked.

“Well, I am. But if he _really_ wanted to kill me, he could do it.”

“How?”

“He could come up behind me and keep up a non-ending barrage of his energy balls. Or he could teleport behind me, grab me around the chest, then teleport us 10 or 15 miles up in the air, and just drop me.”

“So why do you think he never did that?”

“I think it is an ego thing. Ares _is_ incredibly strong, and I think it just galls him that I am stronger than he is, and he wants to prove to himself that he can beat me _mano a mano_.”

“Or maybe,” Mattie said, “next to Aphrodite, you are the only family he has left, and he just can't bring himself to kill you. You know, Lila and I got along most of the time, but when we argued, it was sometimes serious – yelling, pushing, pulling hair, swinging at each other, and even wrestling around on the ground like boys.”

“That we did,” Gabrielle agreed. “And Mother and Father made sure we were appropriately punished for it, too.”

“Could you kill him? If you really wanted to?” Annie asked.

“No. Not even if I wanted to. There are only two things that I know of that will kill a god – the Hind's blood dagger, and a weapon made from a bone from Kronos, like the dagger I made from his rib that I used to kill Zeus with.”

“So what finally happened?” Xena asked, the boredom coming back.

“His men retreated back through the pass to the other side of the mountains. I'm guessing they witnessed some of the battle, since we were concentrating on each other so much and not what they were seeing. And no doubt they wanted no part of the two 'mountain gods' that were fighting each other, and destroying the mountains at the same time. Which we were well on the way to doing.”

“No, I mean between you and Ares.”

“Well, when he finally realized no one was there to attack my friends, he got even madder, said something about having better things to do, and just disappeared.”

“So what about your friends? What did they say?”

“Not much. They were just as superstitious, and as fearful, as their enemies, so when the scouts reported back to them about the fight they had witnessed, they were more than happy to give me another horse, more than enough supplies, and to send me on my way.”

“They didn't even say thanks?” Mattie was incredulous.

“Not really. They just wanted me gone. And so I left, still heading east.”

“That kind of sucked,” Xena said, trying to stifle a yawn.

“Well, I was ready to go anyway.”

“Okay,” Gabrielle said, “I think it's time for someone to get some sleep.”

She took Xena by the hand to pull her to her feet.

“You might be right,” Xena agreed. “Been a long day.”

“And I think I need to bandage that cut; we wouldn't want to wake up with blood all over the pillow cases.”

“Okay, whatever you say.”

“Are you spending the night?” Xena asked Hercules.

“No, I've got a motel room.”

“Okay. G'night.”

“Good night. Pleasant dreams.”

“Right!” she shot back, as sarcastic as ever.

As Gabrielle guided Xena toward the bathroom, the three of them started collecting the snack plates, glasses, cups and used napkins to take to the kitchen. Harry was in his bedroom talking to Maggie on the phone; had been for most of an hour.

Once they were in the kitchen, they waited until they heard Gabrielle's final 'good night.'

  


 


	7. Conspiring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie, Mattie, Gabrielle and Hercules discuss Xena's problem while she is asleep.

  
  


**Chapter Seven**

**Conspiring**

  
  


For almost a half minute everyone just looked at each other, finally Hercules said, “I think she bought it.”

“I think you're right,” Annie agreed.

“Yep,” Mattie said.

Annie touched Hercules' cheek, and then hugged him.

“It really is so good to see you,” she said into his ear.

Hercules smiled as they broke the embrace. “You too, both of you. Although these new looks are going to take some getting used to.”

“Well,” Mattie said. “New looks to you, but old ones for us.”

“I was surprised when I got your call,” he said to Annie. “Very surprised. How did you know it was me?”

“It was all Mattie. She's the one who recognized you, she knew where you were, and she suggested we try to get in touch with you.”

“How did _you_ know?”

“Well,” Mattie explained, “I watched a few episodes of your Hercules series, and even though the actors playing Iolaus, Autolycus and Sal looked _almost_ like they did back in the day, and even kind of acted like them, you were you. Spot on exactly.”

“Well, with all the doubles and triples that seem to be everywhere, what made you think I wasn't just another doppelganger?”

“Because you are Hercules; _the_ one and only. I didn't see how there could be another one of you anywhere. And besides, since I knew Ares and Aphrodite were around, then it only made sense to think you were too.”

“But how did you know I was in Vancouver?”

“Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how many websites and message boards and newsgroups that are dedicated to both you and Xena? It wasn't hard to find out you had been filming the new show.”

“Yeah, about that. I told Xena that I was just now filming the pilot, not that the series is 99% over, so maybe we can keep that from her. And, since my time is mostly free now, whatever you need me to do, I'm yours. Well, there may be a bit more to be done, some looping, I'm sure.”

“What is that?”

“It's going into the studio and redoing dialog that might be drowned out by background noises, or not clear enough or loud enough. But if I have to go back it shouldn't be more than a day or two.”

“Good to know. Now we just have to figure out _what_ to do,” Annie said.

“Does Gabrielle know you called me here?”

“No, we didn't tell her. Didn't want to take the chance she'd inadvertently let it slip. Not that she would deliberately say anything, but why chance it?”

“So, what do we do?” Mattie asked.

“I'm not really sure,” Hercules answered, “but I do know what some of the problem is, she's just --”

“Bored,” Annie interrupted. “Yes, I know. She's bored living this 'civilized' life. I've tried to keep her busy, her and Gabrielle, but without any real action, any excitement, she has started making her own.”

“She told me she and Gabrielle were working for you, surveillance. She made it sound really tedious.”

“Well, it is. But it's all been night work. I can't have her doing anything during the day that might draw attention to her, or either of them. Did you happen to see this morning's local news?”

“No.”

“Well, they had a piece on the bar fight, and they brought up a picture of Xena when she broke Gabrielle out of jail. And I'm just afraid that if I let her go like she wants to, she'll end up in jail.”

“Or dead,” Mattie added.

“Or dead,” Annie agreed. “You know if they try to arrest her she'll fight back, and these days the cops don't play around. They may try to use a Taser on her, and if that doesn't work, which I have a feeling it wouldn't, they will shoot her.”

“I think you're right,” he replied.

“I'm beginning to think she just isn't made for this ... century,” Annie continued. “At first I believed what Gabrielle kept saying – that Alti was responsible for all the evil in her. But now I'm starting to wonder if it's just her nature; after being a warrior for so many years she just doesn't know any other way of life. Sure, she, we, had times when we weren't in battle mode, but the way she was brought back, well, she wasn't raised up like Mattie and I were – 'civilized', for want of a better word.”

“Gabrielle seems to be doing okay,” Hercules pointed out.

“But she was never a warrior, not a true warrior, not like Xena and I were.”

“Which brings us back to the main question,” Mattie said. “What do we do about Xena's rebellious nature?”

She shrugged.

“What CAN we do?”

“Did you hear when when she threatened to leave for a week, or forever?” Hercules asked.

“I think we all did,” Annie answered.

“It sounded to me like it was a cry for attention, or ... help?”

“Maybe it was, but we can only do so much.”

“Maybe she needs a man,” Mattie said, half joking.

“How about it?” Annie said to Hercules, almost serious. “You started her, us, on the right path one time. Maybe you can do it again.”

“Thanks, but no thanks. That's one 'labor' I don't think I could manage.”

“Maybe if she left town for a while,” Mattie suggested. “It's like she needs a challenge. What if she spent some time, I don't know, maybe in northern Canada, or Alaska? Some place that would really challenge her survival skills. Maybe it would make her appreciate what she has here.”

“That sounds all well and good,” Annie replied, “But would she really want to do that? And even if it would do her some good, how could we convince her to go?”

“Maybe if she had a good man to go with her,” Mattie tried again.

“Or a companion she loves and trusts,” Hercules came back.

“I don't know. Do you think Gabrielle would want to go, even if Xena agreed to go?”

“Want to? No,” Gabrielle said from the kitchen door. “Would I go? Of course I would. Where Xena goes, I go; no question about it, ever.”

“How long have you been standing there?” Mattie asked.

“Not long – a minute or so. Just long enough to hear that you want her gone – out of town, and out of the country.”

“We don't want her gone,” Annie told her, “We just want her safe. Like -- maybe out-of-town safe.”

“Are you sure she's asleep?” Mattie asked.

“I'm sure,” Gabrielle replied. “That gash on her head looked like it was from a pool stick, it wasn't just a simple cut. And as bad as her head was hurting, which she was able to hide from all of you, I think maybe she might have a mild concussion. So I gave her a couple of tablets to stop the headache and to help her sleep. And between the beer and the tablets, she'll be out until tomorrow morning.” Gabrielle sighed sadly. “But we still have to do something about her. I just don't know what.”

“Hercules,” Annie said, “What about Aphrodite? Do you think she could do some kind of magic, possibly a spell of some kind to change Xena's attitude?”

“I wouldn't put a lot of trust into any of her spells. They don't seem to last like you'd think. Look at how many couples she has fall in love, and then they fall right back out of love.”

“But this is different,” Gabrielle argued. “What if she just repressed the evil in her? Or removed it altogether? Something like that?”

Hercules shook his head. “I still wouldn't put my faith in her abilities. I love Aphrodite as much as any brother could love a sister. But I know her limitations, and I just would not trust that she could make any kind of long-term difference.”

“But even if it were only for a short time, maybe we could figure out a way to make her want to be good.”

“You know,” Annie said, “There still is the problem of her being wanted by the police, starting back when she broke you out of jail. I've been stopped a couple of times because we look alike.”

“I didn't know that!” Mattie exclaimed.

Annie nodded. “And if I hadn't had a valid driver's license, they might have taken me in for questioning. So, unless she has some cosmetic surgery and changes her hair color, being arrested is still a real possibility.”

“Which brings us back to the question – what can we do to help Xena?” Gabrielle said sadly.

“Well, it's getting late,” Annie responded. “Maybe if we all sleep on it, one of us will think of something.”

“Maybe.”

“Hercules, do you want to spend the night?” Mattie asked. “The sofa is actually pretty comfortable.”

“Thanks, but I think I'll go back to my motel room. The human half of me still needs to shower and shave and put on clean clothes.”

“Then how about breakfast?” Mattie insisted. “Harry cooks just as mean a breakfast as he does supper.”

“Sure. What time? I'm always up with the sun.”

“How about sometime between seven and eight?” Annie suggested.

“Sounds good.”

Hercules hugged Mattie and Gabrielle goodnight, and Annie walked him to the door.

“Don't worry,” he assured her. “We'll think of something.”

“I hope so.”

Annie gave Hercules a particularly warm hug and a kiss on his cheek, then watched him drive away, still not convinced there was anything any of them could do.

  
  


 


	8. A Minor Interruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie and friends have company.

**Chapter Eight**

**A Minor Interruption**

  
  


Just as promised, Hercules showed up right at half past 7 for breakfast. Of course, his first concern was if Xena was still there, and was she all right.

“She's still sleeping,” Gabrielle told him as they sat down to one of Harry's massive breakfasts: a dozen scrambled eggs, a pound of fried bacon, two pounds of fried potatoes with onions, a dozen biscuits and honey, a gallon of freshly squeezed orange juice, diced melons and cantaloupe, and strong, dark coffee.

By 8:30 they had finished eating and were about to talk about the “problem” over coffee, when Xena made an appearance. It was evident she had put on a fresh bandage over her gash. Gabrielle immediately got up to pour her a cup of coffee and to give her her seat.

“How did you sleep?” Annie asked.

“Whatever those pills Gabrielle gave me must have been powerful ones, I don't even remember falling asleep. So I guess I slept fine.”

Xena drank down half the coffee, then looked around at everyone as Gabrielle refilled her cup.

“I know what's going on here,” she said. “I knew just as soon as you showed up at the diner,” she said to Hercules.

She sighed.

“But I'm not mad, I know why. You all think I'm out of control, that I have anger issues, and can't be trusted not to – to stay out of trouble. And you're right. Surely you didn't think I wasn't aware of how I've been acting. And I think I know what the problem is, and I think I know how to fix it – I can't be here anymore. I need to get away … away from everybody and everything. So, I'm leaving.”

Not expecting this, everyone was momentarily stunned and didn't know what to say. Finally, Annie asked, “And just where are you going?”

“I don't know. But wherever it is, it has to be away from people. I was thinking maybe getting lost in some forest somewhere, maybe like Montana or Washington. Or some South American jungle. Just someplace I can be alone and live my life without hurting anyone.”

“Do you really think that is the best plan?” Mattie asked. “Being a hermit, living off the land, never seeing any of us again?”

Before Xena could answer, Harry broke in. “Do you guys hear that? Is that thunder?”

They all listened for a few seconds, then Hercules said, “That's not thunder, those are motorcycles. I think we have company.”

They all got up from the table and headed toward the front door.

“Why don't you let me handle this,” Xena said. “I'm the one they're looking for.”

“Both of us,” Hercules said. “I'm sure they want us both.”

Xena nodded, then together they went through the front door out on the front lawn to confront the motorcycle gang. Looking around, they counted more than a dozen bikers parked in a semicircle across the width of the lawn.

“See, man,” one of then said excitedly, “I told you it was them – Xena and Hercules!”

“You're full of shit, man! They're not real.”

Then he said to Xena, “Did you really think we wouldn't know where to _find_ you? We got eyes all over this city, we know everything!”  
Just then Gabrielle walked out of the house with one hand behind her.

“See, man! There's the other one! I told you, man!”

“Bullshit!” he responded.

“Xena,” Gabrielle said softly, then tossed her the Chakram.

Xena smiled as she caught it, then exclaimed, “How real is THIS?”

She then threw the Chakram just barely over their heads, causing half of them to dive off their bikes. The Chakram started curving upward, then hit a metal light pole, causing it to split into its two halves, each one going left and right and curving back toward the bikers, flying low enough to clip off more than half of the rear view mirrors. They combined just as they were caught by the still grinning Xena.

But before they could recover, Hercules walked over to one of the motorcycles and picked up the 800 pound machine by one of the struts forming the frame, and holding it at arm's length to the side, turned it up so the back tire was up in the air, and the front tire was a couple of feet off the ground.

“Hey, man!” the leader yelled out. “That's my ride!”

“You want to play some catch?” Hercules asked, also grinning as he feinted throwing it to him.

The biker back pedaled a few steps, his hands in front of him, palms outward, as if to block it if Hercules really threw it.

“No, man, no! Just put it down, okay?”

At that moment both Annie and Mattie walked outside to stand between Xena and Hercules.

“There's more of you?” the gang leader exclaimed.

“You have no idea,” Annie answered menacingly.

“Look, man,” he continued. “we don't want no trouble. We just came by for a friendly visit, okay?”

“Well, you picked the wrong place to visit,” Gabrielle said.

“Yeah, okay, man. We'll go, okay, just give me back my ride.”

“Hercules,” Annie said calmly, “why don't you give the nice man his motorcycle back?”

“Sure,” he replied. Then to the biker he said, “Are you sure you don't want to play catch?”

“I'm sure, man. I just want my bike back, in one piece.”

“Okay.”

Hercules turned the motorcycle back upright, let it drop a couple feet, then grabbed the handlebar to keep it from falling over.

“Here it is. Climb aboard.”

The biker looked at Annie then back to Hercules, afraid to go near it, but afraid not to. He looked back at Annie, who nodded, and he cautiously got back on his bike.

“Now,” Annie said to all of them. “This is how this is going to work. All of you are going to ride away from here, forgetting where we live. But if anyone else shows up – any of your friends, or relatives, or the police, or investigators, or reporters, or anyone else who comes here uninvited, we will assume it is because one of you said the wrong thing to the wrong person.”

“Except for Girls Scouts selling cookies,” Mattie interjected.

“Yes, except for Girls Scouts. Xena, how many heads do you think you could take off with your Chakram?”

“As many as I want to, any time, any place. Talk about a bloody mess.”

“And Hercules, how long do you think it would take you to demolish their little bar hangout, killing everyone inside?”

“Thirty, maybe 60 seconds.”

“You get my point?” Annie said with deadly seriousness in her voice.

“Yeah, man, we get it. Nobody's gonna say nothin' about nothin'. I swear!”

“Then I think this 'friendly' visit is over. Leave. Now.”

Without another word, all motorcycles started almost as once as they turned around and drove off at a high rate of speed. And just as a final warning, Xena threw the Chakram just over their heads. It curved upward and cut off the branch of a tree ahead of them, then circled back. Xena walked into the house. Leaving Annie to catch it. She passed Harry, who was watching from the living room window, not wanting to join them, knowing his presence would be a distraction.

“How about some more coffee.” she said.

“You got it.”

“And make it strong this time.”

 


	9. Riding the Emotional Roller Coaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xena and Gabrielle discuss their problems and issues.

  
  


**Chapter Nine**

**Riding the Emotional Roller Coaster**

 

“Well, that was fun,” Annie said half serious, half joking, as they all resumed their seats around the dining room table.

“Too much fun to suit me,” Mattie commented.

“So, where was I?” Xena asked.

As she was trying to remember, Gabrielle said quietly, “You were talking about leaving.”

“Oh yeah, I remember now.”

“Do you really think leaving is the best way to go?” Hercules asked her.

“I've been thinking about this for a while. And I don't see things getting any better. In fact, I only see things getting worse.”

“They don't _have_ to be,” Gabrielle protested. “We're here for you, don't you understand that? Whatever we can do, whatever it will take to help you, we're here! We'll always be here!”

“But that's just it, I don't think there is anything that _can_ help me.”

“Why are you saying that?” Gabrielle was almost in tears.

“I don't think any of you realize what's going on. I'm – I'm shutting down, or something. Whatever magic Alti used to bring me back is wearing off, or not working any more. I can feel it. I just know it.”

Xena suddenly yanked the bandage off her forehead. It was still seeping blood.

“Do you see this?” she said, pointing to the cut. “This should have scabbed over already; it should be mostly healed up by now. But it's not! And the way I think, the things I think about – they're wrong, I know it, but I can't control it. Just like when I threw the Chakram at those bikers – do you know how hard it was for me not to kill them? All of them?”

“But you didn't,” Mattie told her. “Whatever was going on in your brain, you controlled it.”

“This time. But what about the next time? Or the time after that? I feel like that Altzimer's, or whatever it's called, is taking over my mind.”

“Wait a minute,” Annie interrupted. “You think you mind and body are … deteriorating? But nothing seems to be wrong with Gabrielle.”

“Of course not!” Xena said with particular vehemence. “She's Little Miss Perfect! Nothing is ever wrong with HER!”

Before anyone could respond to defend her, Gabrielle put one hand up and shook her head, silencing them ahead of time.

“Do you really think that?” she asked quietly, the hurt in her voice very obvious.

“I don't know. I don't know a goddamned thing anymore. Except that I know I'm dying. Call it deteriorating, or whatever fancy word you want, but my mind isn't right, and I can feel my body … I don't know, but something is wrong with me; very wrong. And it is getting worse.”

Gabrielle got up from her chair and went to Xena, knelt down and put her arms around her, holding her as tenderly as she could. For a moment Xena sat as a statue, then slowly melted as her arms went around her Soul Mate.

“I'm scared, Gabrielle. Help me,” she whispered into Gabrielle's ear. “Please.”

As they watched, they could see tears squeezing out from Xena's tightly closed eyes.

“I'm here for you,” Gabrielle whispered back. “If you still want to leave, I'll go with you. Anyplace you want to go, I'll be by your side, just like always.”

Silently, Harry put a large mug of hot, strong, black coffee on the table and took the quarter full one of weaker, cold coffee away. After Gabrielle and Xena released each other and Gabrielle sat back in her chair, Xena drank half the coffee down ignoring the burning in her throat.

After a couple of minutes, Xena said to Gabrielle, “Where I'm going, wherever that may be, I can't take you. I can't ask you to come with me knowing what is probably going to happen to me, both physically and mentally.”

“You don't have to ask, I'm volunteering.”

Xena shook her head. “I can't let you go. There's no telling what I might … what might happen to you because of me.”

“That never stopped you before.” Now Gabrielle's voice began to get a hardness in it. “I followed you to Britannia, and ended up as Dahak's bitch, and bore his evil daughter. I followed you to Japan where you let yourself be killed, and then I had to fight for your headless body, and for your head!”

By now Gabrielle was on her feet, looking down at Xena, and was to the point that she was almost shouting.

“So don't you dare ... don't you DARE tell me where I can and cannot go! I was crucified for you! I went to HELL for you!”

Gabrielle's rage had expended itself and she collapsed, exhausted, barely catching herself as her hands hit the table hard, gasping for air. Annie and Mattie immediately went to her, but Xena only sat silently, not moving, as if she were completely detached from what had just happened. Both women led, and half carried, Gabrielle into her and Xena's bedroom and gently laid her on the bed as her panting turned to sobs.

“I'll stay with her,” Mattie said softly to Annie.

Annie nodded, then returned to the dining room and absently accepted a cup of the fresh coffee from Harry. Neither Hercules nor Xena had moved or said anything.

“She'll be fine. She just needs some rest.”

After an awkward couple of minutes, Xena rose to leave.

“Don't go,” Annie said. “I have an idea. A really, really, REALLY bad idea.”

“What is is?” Hercules asked.

“I believe Xena is right about Alti's magic. Maybe it was flawed, or maybe she did it on purpose, I don't know. And I'm sure you know better than I do about the long-term potency of Aphrodite's magic. But what if we can get someone whose magic is strong enough? Someone who can transfer souls from one body to another?”

“Ares?” Xena exclaimed, not believing what she just heard. “You want to ask Ares to – to fix me?”

“Do you know of anyone else? Any other god who might be willing to help; who might be _able_ to help?”

Annie looked at Hercules questioningly.

“Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't. I have no way of knowing. I guess it would depend on what he could get out of it.”

“Do you know how to get in touch with him? It couldn't hurt to ask. All he could do is say no.”

Hercules shook his head. “I wouldn't know how to begin to find him.”

“What about Aphrodite? If you could get in touch with her somehow, I know she could find him.”

“You know,” Xena said, “it used to be all we would have to do is call for him and he'd show up.”

“I know. But that was back in Greece when he was never that far away. But don't you remember right after you got here, you yelled yourself hoarse calling for him?”

“Just a thought.”

“So how about it? Think you could scare up Aphrodite somehow?”

“I don't know. I suppose I could try a couple of things.”

“That's all I'm asking.”

“Well, I suppose I should go,” Hercules said as he started to get up. “Things to do, people to find.”

“Do you think you could stay a bit longer?” Annie asked. “Just for a little while?”

“Sure.”

“I should probably look in on her,” Xena said. “It's the least I could do.”

“Yes it is,” Annie answered coldly.

Xena went into the bedroom. Mattie was sitting on the side of the bed holding Gabrielle's hand, who had cried herself to sleep. Xena went to the opposite side of the bed and sat down. She could see the pillowcase under her head was wet from her tears. Mattie got up and left the room, shutting the door behind her as Xena gently laid down beside Gabrielle. After a few moments she reached out and move a few strands of hair from her face, then took her hand away, afraid to wake her up.

“She's asleep,” Mattie told them as she sat back down at the table. “Probably will be for quite a while.”

After a few moments, Annie asked, “Have you noticed anything different about her? Changes in attitude, or health issues?”

Mattie shook her head. “No. As far as I know, she is as normal as you and I. Even with that outburst, which, I'm surprised it took so long to happen.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know. Gabrielle followed Xena, I followed you, any and every place she took her. No matter what the danger, no matter how life threatening it was, no matter how much hurt or emotional damage there might have been. Something like that festering inside for so many years is bound to take a toll. She just said things she had been holding in for much too long.”

Annie bit her bottom lip, then reluctantly asked, “Is that how you feel?”

“In a way. But for Gabrielle it is so much fresher that it is for me. I have the memories, old memories of course, and I still feel some of the hurt, but for Gabrielle it's like it was almost yesterday.”

“Then if I hurt you so much, put you in so much danger, why did you stay with me all those years?”

“Because I was so much in love with you it would have hurt worse to live without you. I still feel that way, just as Gabrielle still feels that way about Xena.”

Annie reached out and took Mattie's hand, letting a tear trickle down her cheek.

“Right back at-cha,” she said softly, with loving smile.

“Okay,” Hercules said, “not to spoil the mood or anything, but now I do think I should go.”

Annie and Mattie walked him to the door, both hugged him, then watched him drive away with an arm around each other.

“Looks like the lawn could use some R&R,” Annie commented, looking at the motorcycle tire tracks and the places where they had torn up the grass spinning the tires to get away a fast as possible.

“Maybe tomorrow, if Harry's up to it.” Mattie answered as they turned and went back inside.

  
  


 


	10. Aphrodite, Then Ares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hercules locates Aphrodite, then she locates Ares and bring him to try to cure Xena.

**Chapter Ten**

**Aphrodite, then Ares**

  
  


The next few days had everyone walking on eggshells around Xena. No one wanted to make her mad enough to leave again, but it was hard to keep her busy. They all went to the office, they still had paying clients that needed to be satisfied. Annie decided it would be better if she took Xena with her, rather than Gabrielle or Mattie. Xena balked each time, mentioning how boring talking to clients, and doing background investigating in the field was. But since there was no real alternative except to leave Xena at home to her own devices, they all insisted.

On the fourth evening just after supper there was a pinkish flash of light that was gone almost before it was seen, and Aphrodite and Hercules were standing there, arguing – good naturedly.

“Oh, I'm gonna get you back, you can count on that, mister,” Aphrodite was saying.

“Now you know it wasn't that bad. It was a joke. How else was I supposed to find you?”

“But with....” Then Aphrodite realized they were in Annie and Mattie's dining room with all four women, and Harry, watching and listening to her and Hercules.

“Well, hi, girls!” Aphrodite said happily, her “argument” with Hercules momentarily forgotten. “Gosh, you all look so good! I really need to come by more often to visit!”

“Yes, you do,” Gabrielle said as she stepped up for the first hug, then it was Mattie's turn, then Annie's, and lastly Xena, who barely put her arms around her. Harry just nodded and smiled.

“Do you know what this big oaf _did_ to me?” she asked, remembering. “Do you have any idea of how he – _insulted_ me?”

“I was only trying to get you to show up. How else was I supposed to find you, or have you find me?”

“But fish?”

“What about fish?” Gabrielle asked, as intrigued as the others.

“Tell her,” Aphrodite insisted. “Tell all of them what you did!”

Trying to keep from laughing, Hercules explained. “When you want to find a god, or have one come to you, what is the one thing that will work?”

He looked around at them but only got blank looks.

“You build a shrine. You decorate so there will be no misunderstanding who it is dedicated to. And then you place offerings on the altar. What could be simpler than that? Of course, you may have to wait a while – hours, days, maybe weeks. Unless you offer something that you know just cannot be ignored.”

“FISH!” Aphrodite exclaimed. “He put FISH on my altar! Lots and lots of nasty, slimy, ugly, smelly, rotten fish! On MY altar!”

“Well, it worked. I paid a half dozen people to bring fish, and to chant and sing praises to you, and you were there in less than fifteen minutes. And here we are.”

“Yeah. You said they needed me, but....” Aphrodite looked at all of them. “Why do you need me?”

“Before we get into that,” Annie said. “What is it about fish that you hate so much? Almost everyone I know loves fish.”

“Well, fish, being fish, aren't so bad, not really I guess. But have you ever left fish out for days, or weeks, or months? Do you have any idea how bad they smell? And do you have any idea how hard it is to get that smell out of my temples? Next to impossible, let me tell you, even for a god.”

“So you really don't hate fish so much. You just hate offerings of fish,” Mattie concluded.

“Correct-a-mundo!” Aphrodite said. “You guessed it! I guess.”

“Well, the next time we make an offering to you – no fish,” Annie said.

“Thank you. Now – why am I here?”

“Because I”m dying,” Xena said quietly.

“Will you STOP saying that!” Gabrielle said, the fear very evident in her voice.

Aphrodite gave a small laugh. “Of course you're dying; you're a mortal. You all are dying.”

“No,” Xena contradicted, “There is something wrong with me.”

“Oh?”

Gabrielle took Aphrodite's right hand and placed it on the left side of her neck, with Aphrodite's finger tips on the back of her neck and her thumb just behind her ear.

“Is there anything wrong with me, that you can tell?”

For a few seconds the Goddess of Love said nothing, then, “Not that I can tell. You're just an ordinary mortal. Well, a little bit different considering the way you got here. But other than that, you are just as normal as anyone.”

“Now me,” Xena said as she placed Aphrodite's left hand in the same place on the right side of her neck.

It took Aphrodite longer to react, but then her eyes began to widen, and then she quickly took her hand back as if she had touched a Hind's Blood Dagger.

“Oh. Oh! What is going on with you? Something is wrong, very wrong. And you are right – you ARE dying. And it won't be long either – months maybe. And they won't be very happy ones.”

“I don't suppose you can do anything, is there?” Gabrielle asked, but not expecting anything.

“You know, things like this really aren't what I do,” she said, trying to explain without sounding like she was brushing them off. “Trying to figure out stuff like this could really give me a headache, if I got headaches.”

“That's all right,” Annie told her. “We actually didn't expect you to be able to do anything. What we really need you to do is to try to find Ares, and then to convince him to come here.''

“We think he might be able to do something,” Hercules continued.

“Oh, Bro, that takes SUCH a load off my mind!”

The relief on her face was obvious.

“But locating Ares – that is going to be a chore. This world is SO much bigger than Greece, and he could be _anywhere_.”

“But you'll try, won't you?” Gabrielle asked, pleading in her eyes.

Aphrodite touched her cheek, then said, “ Of course I will, sweetie. Of course I will. What are friends for?”

She shook herself a bit, as if getting ready for a monumental challenge, which it was for her. She looked around at everyone, then closed her eyes, concentrating.

Almost ten minutes went by; no one moved and no one said anything. Finally her eyes opened and she smiled.

“I found that rascal. So now all I have to do is convince him to come and help, right?'

“That's all,” Annie agreed. “You know, if you have to, you can tell him it's about Xena. Or that Hercules is here, if that will make a difference.”

“Okay. I will see you all later.”

And with another slightly pink flash of light, she was gone.

“Coffee anyone?” Harry asked.

“Couldn't hurt,” Mattie answered.

After they settled in the living room, Gabrielle said, “There's something I don't understand. I know Alti wants Xena dead, but she also wants to hurt her. So why didn't she make me the one to get sick and … and die? Wouldn't that hurt her more – knowing I was dying and she couldn't do anything to save me?”

“Because Alti is more diabolical than that,” Annie answered. “She wanted Xena's mental state to get so bad that in a fit of rage she would kill you, and then after realizing what she had done, would suffer even more, possibly even go insane.”

Annie looked over at Hercules, who nodded. “She's right. As much as Xena loves you, that is exactly what could happen. If anyone would know about that, I do. Then there is no telling what kind of havoc she would cause – wantonly killing anything or anyone she comes across, all kinds of property damage, anything.”

“I am right here,” Xena said to them flatly. “And I can hear everything you all are saying about me.”

“Sorry,” Annie apologized. “It's hard to talk about this and be objective about it as well.”

Gabrielle moved closer on the sofa to Xena and took one of her hands, squeezed it gently and Xena squeezed back.

After a while, Annie turned on the TV, nothing was on anyone wanted to watch, so she put it on a PBS station about sharks, but kept the volume down to barely hearing level. Both Gabrielle and Xena dozed off on the sofa. Hercules and Annie and Mattie were in overstuffed chairs close enough to talk without having to speak loud enough to wake Xena and Gabrielle. Harry was in his bedroom talking to Maggie on the phone. It was almost an hour before there were simultaneous flashes of light that announced the arrival of Aphrodite and Ares. Everyone was instantly on their feet.

“This better be good,” Ares said. “And it better be important.”

Ares looked around at everyone, particularly at Xena, Gabrielle, Annie and Mattie.

“Well, I see the gang is all here, plus one,” he commented, looking at Hercules last.

“Hey, Brother, want to go another ten rounds?” Ares asked, smiling, as he put up his fists and feinted with a couple of short jabs. But then he struck with a fast left jab, which would have knocked Hercules across the room, if he hadn't caught the fist and held it tight.

“Okay!” Aphrodite said loudly. “None of that. You promised!”

”Anything you say,” he responded cheerfully. “Maybe next time,” he said to Hercules. “So what is the big emergency?”

“It's me,” Xena said. “There is something seriously wrong with me, and I am dying.”

“Too bad,” he answered with little sympathy. “But it happens to all you mortals.”

“So you would just let her die, just like that?” Gabrielle said, angry. “So the history you two had means nothing to you?”

“Hate to break it to you, little girl, but that was way too many years ago. I've moved on, as I'm sure she has.”

“Can't you at least – look at her, see what's wrong with her?” Gabrielle pleaded, the anger replaced with concern.

Ares sighed. “Sure. Why not? Since you dragged me here,” looking at Aphrodite.

“Me first,” Gabrielle said.

Ares put one hand on the top of her head, and waited for a few seconds.

“So what am I doing?” he asked.

“Am I normal?” she asked.

“Yes,” he replied impatiently. “You are a normal, mortal human being.”

“Now Xena,” Gabrielle instructed.

Ares put his hand on Xena's shoulder. And like Aphrodite, discovered that there was something, several somethings, wrong with her.

“Whoa. You are seriously in need of some help. Supernatural help.”

“Can you fix her?” Annie asked. “Make her as healthy as the rest of us?”

“Well, I don't know. What's in it for me?”

“I told you,” Hercules said. “He's only out for himself.”

“First I want to know if you can cure her,” Annie said. “Then we'll talk payment.”

“I suppose I could, if the price was right.”

“I don't think he can,” Mattie stated. “I think it's beyond his capabilities. But I bet Evander could do it. I hear he can do anything just by thinking about it.”

“That's a good idea,” Annie said. “Maybe we should get Evander here and let Ares get back to whatever evil war stuff he was doing.”

“EVANDER?” Ares exclaimed, “That mama's boy? The one who can't cut those apron strings long enough to think for himself? You have to be joking!”

“Well,” Gabrielle added, “If it's too much for you, then what choice do we have? Aphrodite, do you think you could find him?”

“Well, sure.”

“Now wait just a minute!” Ares demanded. “I can do this. You don't need to get HIM.”

“I'll tell you what,” Annie said quietly. “How about if I sweeten the pot?”

“How?”

“If you will cure, fix, whatever, Xena so that she is just as healthy – physically and mentally as she is supposed to be, I will give you a son.”

Suddenly everyone started talking at once, but Annie talked over them.

“Just think, your very own offspring that you can raise to be the son you want him to be, however you want him to be.”

To make sure he was hearing right, Ares waved his hand and all but Aphrodite and Hercules were frozen in place.

“Are you serious about this? Because Xena offered me the very same thing two years ago, and even then I was suspicious of the way this so-called magical witch brought her here.”

“But I was born and raised by two normal parents. Not cloned by some 'so-called magical witch'.”

Ares was still skeptical. “How do I know I can trust you?”

“Look around. There are three mortals, a demigod, and a goddess, all who are witnesses to my promise. Plus, my word is good, now and forever.”

Ares wave his hand again and unfroze the mortals.

“Annie, you can't be serious,” Mattie said, not believing what she had said. “I know I did not just hear you offer to give Ares an heir. I cannot believe I heard you say that!”

“If it will save Xena's life. If _he_ can save her, then you heard right.” Annie was adamant about her decision.

“Somebody say something! Aphrodite?” Mattie implored her. “Tell her not to do this!”

“If this is her decision … then who am I to tell her different? And since I have my work cut out for me – getting rid of all those fish, I'm out of here.”

The last words she said as she teleported away was, “I wonder where I can get a few dozen cats.”

Mattie turned to Hercules. “Hercules? Say something!”

“I'm afraid I have to agree with Aphrodite. If this is the bargain Annie is willing to make, then it's not my place to tell her no.”

“Gabrielle?” Mattie tried as last resort. “Surely you don't agree with this!”

“If he can save Xena's life, and Annie is willing to let him impregnate her as a condition, then I can't go against it. I'm sorry, Mattie, but I just can't.”

Ignoring Xena, who had been silent the entire time, Mattie turned back to Ares. “Then why not Gabrielle? Or me? Either one of us could just as easily give you a son.”

“Because I don't want a son from either one of you. I want one from Xena, or Annie in this case. So yes, I will fix whatever this Alti did to Xena, and then I will expect a 'honeymoon' night from Annie just as soon as I do.”

“Then done is done,” Annie said. “When Xena is fixed, you will have one night with me.”

  
  


 


	11. Yet Another Minor Interruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ares tries to fix Xena, but constant interruptions hinder him from doing so.

**Chapter Eleven**

**Yet Another Minor Interruption**

 

Ares turned to Xena and placed both hands on her shoulders, then moved them to the sides of her head, then to her neck, as if trying to find just the right spot. Suddenly he turned around to Hercules.

"You know, I'm still mad you never got me a few guest starring parts in that outer space show like you did on that other one."

"That _was_ you?" Mattie said loudly. "I thought it had to be, but your looks changed so much. Your hair was long, then it was short. Your beard changed, your clothes were different. Even your sword changed."

"Well, that's the price you pay for working for eccentric and incompetent directors – always wanting something different."

"Uh, excuse me," Gabrielle broke in. "Xena?"

"Oh, sure. Of course."

Again he turned to Xena and put his hands on her shoulders again, then turned back to Hercules one more time.

"So? Why didn't you get me a few parts?"

"Well, for one thing, this kind of show had no use for a god of war. Plus, this was a different production company. I had nothing to say about the casting."

"You're stalling!" Gabrielle accused Ares. She then looked at everyone else. "He's stalling! He can't do it!"

"Now hold on there. Of course I can do it. But you don't seem to realized just how delicate and how sensitive it is – fooling around with someone's..."

"What's wrong with her?" Gabrielle demanded. "She's not moving. What did you do to her?"

"I put her to sleep," Ares explained impatiently. "You didn't think she was going to be awake for this, did you?"

"No," Gabrielle answered, "I – I guess not."

"Now – if you don't mind … unless you'd rather I did nothing."

"No. No. Go ahead, if you can."

"Now what?" Ares said, getting a little irritated.

"What what?" Annie asked, looking at everyone. "What...?

"You don't hear that?" he asked. "Of course you don't"

"Hear what?"

"Motorcycles, five of them."

"Shit!" Annie exclaimed. "Don't tell me they're back!"

"I don' t know who 'they' are," Ares continued, "but I smell gasoline, and fire. I'm thinking Molotov cocktails. You must have really pissed somebody off!"

Everyone rushed through the house and out of the front door, but Ares was already there. They watched as he waved his hand at the flying fire bombs, stopping them in mid air ten to fifteen feet from the front of the house, and freezing the escaping motorcycles and riders as well.

"I take it these are not friends of yours," Ares stated unnecessarily.

"Some of Xena's fight club adventures," Hercules said. "And mine too, I guess."

"Twice she went to their hangout and started fights. Then they came here and she used the Chakram to run them off." Annie explained. "I told them not to come back unless they wanted to, well … die. But I guess they didn't believe me."

Ares walked a few steps into the front yard, waved a few fingers and the frozen motorcycles spun slowly around until they were facing him, then moved them to the edge of the lawn.

"Okay," he said to the the bikers; frozen but still very aware of everything that was going on; and very scared. "You don't know me, but Ares is the name, and waging war is my Game. Yes, that God-of-War Ares. Now I'm involved in some especially delicate … negotiations inside the house you just thought you were going to burn down. So what I want you to do is go back to your clubhouse, or bar, whatever, and stay there. And make sure all of you other biker buddies are there, too. And when I get through with what I'm doing here, you can expect me to pay you all a little visit."

Without looking at her, he said, "Gabrielle, would you mind giving them back their bottles?"

She walked to the two of them she could reach, the pieces of cloth stuffed into the necks of the bottles no longer burning, and tucked each bottle into the shirts of each biker. Then Ares allowed the other three that had arched too high to drop into her hands and she tucked them in the shirts as well. And with wave of his hand, all five motorcycles spun back around, and he unfroze them, allowing the five of them to continue their "escape."

"You're not going to kill them, are you?" Mattie asked.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I will. Maybe I'll recruit them as mercenaries. Maybe I'll have Aphrodite pay them a visit. Or maybe I won't do anything at all."

Ares went back into the house with the others following him.

"Are things like this all the time?" he asked without looking at anyone specifically. "The first time I was here the police came looking for Xena. And now bikers?"

"That is why we need your help, to fix her," Gabrielle told him.

"Okay, let me see," he said, sitting Xena down in a chair, and from behind her, put his hands on her shoulders.


	12. The Business at Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ares attempts to cure Xena, but distractions keep getting in the way.

**Chapter Twelve**

**The Business At Hand**

After a short while, Ares took his hands from Xena's shoulders.

“Come here,” he said to Gabrielle.

He then put one hand on her shoulder, a pensive look on his face.

“What are you doing?” she asked him.

“This is a lot more complicated than I thought. I'm trying to deduce what your mental and physical states are so I can decide exactly what needs to be changed in Xena. Now shut up and let me concentrate.”

He then put his other hand on Xena's shoulder and closed his eyes.

“Are you sure you can...?”

“SHUT IT!” he commanded, and continued to concentrate.

Several minutes went by, then he said, “Annie, here.”

Annie walked over to him and he took his hand from Gabrielle's shoulder and put it on Annie's.

“Hmm,” he said almost too quiet to hear.

“Would it help if Aphrodite was here?” Mattie asked.

“NO!” he replied sharply, and continued on, moving his hand from Annie to Gabrielle, and back again several times. After almost a half hour he took his hands from both Xena and Annie and opened his eyes.

“Well?” Gabrielle said. “Did it work? Is she cured?”

“This is going to take much longer than I thought. If you had come to me six months ago, maybe even a year, it would have been SO much easier. But – she is so far gone....”

“GONE! Are you saying you can't do it?” Gabrielle was suddenly verging on hysteria. “She's going to die?”

“No, I'm not saying anything like that at all. I'm just saying there is more to this than just a simple wave of my hand.”

“We didn't know there was anything wrong with her six months ago,” Annie explained. “As far as we knew all this started about a month ago.”

“Well, you might not have noticed anything before a month ago, but she has been going down hill a lot longer than that.”

“So now what?” Mattie asked. “You're not going to stop trying, are you?”

“No,” Ares answered, with uncharacteristic tiredness, or indecision, in his voice. “Of course not. I have a son owed to me.”

“What about Ambrosia?” Gabrielle asked hopefully. “What if we could get some of that into her, even just a little bit?”

“Well, you can forget about Ambrosia. There hasn't been any of that around for over a thousand years.”

“Can't you make some?” she desperately wanted to know.

“Sorry. That's the one thing we can't do. Where it came from? Who created it? Just as much a mystery to us gods as to you mortals.”

“Are you sure there is none around? Nowhere?” Hercules finally chimed in.

“If there is, then there is so little of it, and it is so well hidden, it might as well be gone.”

“But if you could get some,” Gabrielle insisted, “then it would cure her?”

“Probably.”

“Would she become a god?”

“I don't know about that,” Ares said. “But there is a chance she could become an immortal demigod of some kind. It would depend on how much she ate.”

Gabrielle thought for a few seconds then said, “Okay, what about those Golden Apples the Norse gods had? They restored your godhood, what if...?”

Ares shook his head. “Sorry, again. From what I understand the Norse gods are gone. They had some kind of Rag-something-or-other. And from all indications, most, if not all of them, were killed. And I'm sure the tree that produced the Golden Apples was destroyed as well.”

Ares looked around at all of them. “So, if there are no more pointless, and endless questions and comments, do any of you mind if I get back to the business at hand – trying to help Xena?”

No one answered, and Ares put his hands on Xena's shoulders again, and closed his eyes, and both he and Xena were so still they both could have been made of stone. Quietly they all went into the living room so they could talk, in whispers, instead of waiting for who knows how long. But no one seemed to have anything to say.

Eventually, Annie put her hand on Hercules' arm and whispered. “So what's next? Another series? More traveling?”

Hercules shrugged his shoulders and whispered back. “My agent said he had several potential guest starring roles in the works.”

“So you're going to keep on acting?”

“Why not? It's fun. I get to travel. I meet a lot of different people. It's an easy way to make a living. And I kind of like it.”

“Well, good luck with it.”

“OKAY! Dammit!”

They heard Ares shout out from the dining room, and they all hurried back in to see what the trouble was.

“I thought I said no distractions!”

“But we were in the living room, whispering,” Annie said.

“Not you. Someone's watching me.”

“But we weren't in here,”

“No. Not any of you. Someone – supernatural. I can feel it. And it's a distraction.”

Ares looked around the room then yelled out, “Alright! Show yourself, I know you're here!”

 


	13. Aphrodite Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aphrodite returns, with a special 'friend'.

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Aphrodite Again**

  
  


Aphrodite appeared with an older man with a long curly beard and hair, wearing a toga over one shoulder, carrying a tall staff with a live serpent coiled around it.

“Everyone,” she said. “I'd like you to meet Asclepius, the God of Healing.”

“What are you doing here?” Ares demanded of Asclepius, who ignored him.

“What is he doing here?” Ares then demanded for Aphrodite to explain.

“You looked like you needed some help,” she replied.

“Wait a minute!” he said to Asclepius, confronting him. “Since when do you come to mortals to heal them?”

“When a special someone asks me to do a special favor,” he answered, with a disconcerting smile at Aphrodite.

But before Ares could say anything else, Asclepius turned to Hercules. “It's good to see you again.”

“Have we ... met before?” Hercules asked, confused.

“Once, many, many years ago, although you probably don't remember it. Right after you strangled those two snakes that Hera sent to kill you when you were a baby, Zeus asked me to look in on you to make sure you were all right.”

“And now,” Asclepius said to Ares while looking at Xena, “let me see what kind of damage you did to her.”

“I was just getting started,” Ares replied, defending himself.

“Like sending a mortal to do a god's job,” he mutter out loud. “Why isn't she lying down? Clear this table!”

The dining room table was quickly cleared and they all helped to lay her down and Gabrielle put a folded up tablecloth under her head.

“Hold this!” Asclepius said, thrusting his staff and serpent at Ares, who hurriedly backed away from the hissing snake with fangs bared. He didn't think the snake's bite could harm him, but why take the chance? So Hercules stepped up and took the staff, and the serpent calmed down as it coiled itself tighter around it, but was watching everyone.

“Open her garment,” Asclepius ordered, and Gabrielle unbuttoned Xena's blouse, exposing her belly and a beige sports bra. He put one hand over her navel, and closed his eyes. He then put his other hand on her forehead.

After a few moments, Gabrielle timidly asked, “Do you need to touch me? Xena and I were both cloned but I seem to be okay.”

The God of Healing took his hand from Xena's forehead and reached out to Gabrielle, who stepped up close enough he could put his hand on her cheek. He nodded his head slightly and made a murmuring sound.

“You need to lie down next to her,” he told Gabrielle, who wasted no time in doing so. Mattie put another folded tablecloth under her head.

“Should I open my blouse?” Gabrielle asked.

He nodded, and as soon as she did, he put his other hand on her belly, after indicating she should move as close to Xena as possible, and then closer still. Gabrielle intertwined the fingers of one hand with Xena's. As the others watched in silence, Gabrielle's eyes closed, then her breathing slowed to match Xena's. No one wanted to say anything that might cause a disruption, and no one wanted to leave in case something happened.

But Ares had had enough, and sensing he was about to leave, Annie touched his arm and indicated he should follow her into the living room.

“What!” he said impatiently, with a bit of anger at being usurped.

“I know I promised you a son, and since Asclepius has taken over, then obviously that won't happen. But if you would promise not to get me pregnant, I will still honor the 'honeymoon night' you wanted.”

“I can have any woman I want. What I want is a son, with Xena, or her descendant – you, to be his mother.”

“Sorry, but we can't always get what we want.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, his anger not quite gone. “Aphrodite!” he said loud enough for her to hear and to come to see what he wanted. “Since you dragged me here on a wasted errand, there is something you can do for me.”

“Sure. Anything, almost.”

“There is a biker bar, somewhere, Hercules can tell you where it is. Why don't you pay it a visit and sweeten up the bikers a bit?”

“Any reason why?”

“No. No real reason. I just don't feel like dealing with them.”

And then he was gone. Then immediately he was back and said to Annie, “When you said you'd give me a son, you said it was to 'sweeten the pot'. So what were you going to originally do?”

Annie gave him a sly, enigmatic smile. “That is rather moot, don't you think? Doesn't make much of a difference now.”

And with a disgusted expletive, Ares disappeared again.

“So what _were_ you going to give him?” Mattie asked.

“I have no idea. I just said that to give him an incentive.”

“But were you really going to let him get you pregnant?”

“Yes. If he could cure Xena, I certainly was.”

Mattie shook her head, still in disbelief. Then they both heard a muted ringing coming from the dining room, and Hercules joined them in the living room, his cell phone at his ear.

“What?” he asked the caller. “Really? Three of them? Three? Well, okay. I'll be there sometime tomorrow evening, or the day after.”

“Good news?” Annie asked.

“Not really. That was my agent. It seems that the suits weren't happy with some of the scenes in the last three episodes, so I have to go back to Vancouver to shoot different ones.”

“Does that happen a lot?” Mattie asked.

“Sometimes it does, sometimes not. But in this case, yes.”

He then looked at Aphrodite. “Do you want me to tell you where that biker bar is?”

“No need,” she replied, then touched his arm. “Now I know where it is, so I will be going also. You take care of yourself.”

“I will,” he answered.

And with a hug for all three of them, she disappeared.

“Don't be a stranger,” Annie told Hercules as she and Mattie walked him to the door. “ Because you know that Mattie can track you down.”

He grinned, hugged them both, then drove away. The two women quietly returned to the dining room, where it looked to them that neither Asclepius, nor Xena, nor Gabrielle had moved. Harry, as usual, had retired to his bedroom to talk to Maggie. They returned to living room and sat on the sofa, arms around each other, with the TV on but muted. After almost and hour, Asclepius walked into the living room with his staff and serpent with him, and both women immediately came to their feet.

“It is done,” he reported. “Xena is all but cured of her magical curse. I have slowed their heartbeats to one eighth of normal to allow the healing process to take its course. And they will sleep until their bodies tell them is time for them to awaken.”

“What did you do,” Mattie asked. “to fix her?”

“I have to admit that Ares had the correct idea, but he was not skillful enough to complete the cure. Since they both were brought here by magic, I used Gabrielle's purity as a template to to guide my healing to correct the deliberate corruption done to Xena. And it was helpful that they are true soul mates. Much like yourselves. But now I must go.”

“I don't have the words to thank you,” Annie told him.

“No thanks are needed. As I told Ares, it is a special favor for a special goddess.”

“She is very special,” Mattie agreed. “But still – thank you -- _so much_!”

Asclepius nodded, then said, “There are so few these days who believe in the gods. That you still recognize our existence is thanks enough.”

And as Ares and Aphrodite before him, he disappeared. Together they went back into the dining room. But after several minutes, since there was nothing to do, they returned to living room and pulled the sofa around so they could be comfortable and still watch for them to wake up. But as the minutes and hours slipped by, they slept. And it was the next morning when they heard noises from the dining room, and rushed in to find both Xena and Gabrielle trying to sit up. Mattie helped Gabrielle and Annie assisted Xena.

“So – how do you feel?” Annie asked both of them.

But they seemed to be disoriented, looking at each other, looking at their hands, touching their faces, and the others' face. Then they looked at each other intently for several seconds, started to speak, but didn't.

“Are you two okay?” Mattie asked, now getting worried something might still be wrong with Xena, or with Gabrielle, or with both of them.

Xena and Gabrielle put their feet on the floor, almost standing, but still leaning against the table. Then Gabrielle said, “I think we need to get Ares back here.”

“Why?” Annie asked, not understanding.

Xena and Gabrielle looked at each other again. And with small smiles on their lips, they looked back at Annie and Mattie, and said together, “Because we are in the wrong bodies.”

  
  


**THE END**

 


End file.
